How to Achieve Emotional Independence

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What is emotional Independence?

You are emotionally independent is when you are able to feel good about yourself, secure and comfortable in your own company. The need to run to someone every time you have a small problem or you don’t feel good about yourself is almost nonexistent. You are confident about who you are and you are ready to take on the world all by yourself. 

Let me clarify this right at the start, emotionally independence doesn’t mean that you distance yourself from people, it means you give yourself and your significant others the space to be themselves even in a close relationship.

How the lack of emotionally independence affects you?

The lack of emotional independence makes you want to cling on to another individual for your every emotional need.  It is possible you could inadvertently make the other person responsible for your happiness thus burdening another human with what should be your personal responsibility.

Effects of Emotional dependency

  • Your dependency on another person could prevent you from being who you can be thereby stunting your emotional social and personal growth.
  • Emotional dependence on another person could force you to give up your right to be your own person, to think and act on your own. This could be made worse by your constant need to have someone to tell you what to do and maybe even how to do it.
  • It is easy to lose your personal identity while you become someone else’s front end. You seem to have no identity apart from the other person.
  • You could experience mood changes just because the other person you are dependent on feels a certain way about something.
  • Your value system could also be changing to fit the other person’s belief system.
  • You could also become highly vulnerable to abuse and may become a puppet in someone’s hands.

How to become emotionally independent or emotionally self-reliant?

  • Know yourself: Get to know who you are what your thoughts, emotions, desires, and aim in life are. Make sure that these are not about someone, but about you.
  • Face yourself, it doesn’t matter how your past has been; you can script your future. Confront the ghosts of the past, let go, forgive what needs to be forgiven and move on with life.
  • Accept yourself. When you know yourself, your identity as an individual you learn to accept yourself and even appreciate yourself for who you can be.
  • Improve: No one is perfect, there is always scope for improvement. Chalk out what you want to achieve and what you want to be in life. Focus on your goals and aspirations. Take up opportunities to learn new skills and get more exposure. Get busy, work on your goals, this helps keep your emotional needs at bay.
  • Identify the reasons for your dependence. Understanding the root of your problem is half the problem solved. This should help you to start fixing what is lacking in yourself.
  • Cut yourself off from people or situations that trigger your dependency. It is difficult, but it is the best way to start a new life.
  • Be yourself. Do not compromise your values or beliefs or even change them for someone else. You need to be convinced before you change anything in your life.
  • Stand up for your rights, if someone is abusive. Find out how you can legally defend yourself. Even if you don’t have to use those means it is good to be aware and let the other person know you are aware.
  • Train yourself to be independent and reward yourself even for your tiniest achievements. Do your chores on your own. It is okay if you are clumsy or make mistakes you will soon master these tasks with a little more exposure. Be patient with yourself.
  • Believe in yourself. Do not wait for validation from others.
  • Make a journal on your achievements, record all those tasks you have been able to do on your own without having to take advice or guidance from others.
  • Records your moments of happiness too.

You have a right to be happy. Give yourself permission to be happy. Happiness is only a state of mind. It is not dependent on people or circumstances. Take responsibility for yourself. You are not a product of your past, but you are what you think, do and feel. It is up to you to be who you are as a person.  


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